Reflections on Happiness

Posted by: Haley Jestice

"Do children fill a marriage with happiness?" According to Daniel Gilbert, author and psychology professor at Harvard, "no" or at least, not while they are still living at home.

Gilbert recently presented his views at the "Happiness and Its Causes" conference in Sydney, Australia. As reported by the Associated Press, he told the audience that based on statistics "married people are in almost every way happier than unmarried people – whether they are single, divorced [or] cohabiting."

Given this fact, it's assumed that children only add to an already opulent married life. However, Gilbert proposes that the opposite is true.

When the stork comes bearing the gift of a child, the married couple's happiness often diminishes, according to Gilbert. He says, "People are extremely happy before they have children and then their happiness goes down, and it takes another big hit when kids reach adolescence,"Gilbert told delegates, presumably as half of them exchanged gleeful high-fives and the other half didn't hear a word he said since they were too busy texting the nanny: "Fish stix in freezer, no TV 4 Billy 2nite."

Following the onset of sleepless nights in a "love nest" that now provides a sanctuary for posterity – consisting of a multitude of diapers, onesies, band aids, strollers, toys, formula, "sippy-cups," Cheerios, and a mesmerizing DVD-collection of Bob the Builder, Blue's Clues, Barney & Friends, The Wiggles, Dora the Explorer, and more – wouldn't every married couple exude elation?

"The psychologists tell us that we like things more when we pay for them," said Gilbert. "What does that sound like? It sounds like children. We pay for them in time, attention, blood, sweat and tears – what kind of idiots would we be to devote all of that to the rearing of our young if they'd didn't bring us some happiness?"

So, it seems that Gilbert is suggesting happiness takes a backseat for a while, perhaps, he is suggesting it exist as a memory or a hope for the future: "remember, how – before we had kids – when we . . . "; "Maybe, after school starts, when the kids are gone ...".

Now, this blog is just to stimulate reader's thoughts on happiness in life such as: What creates happiness? How do people stay happy?

As I was writing an article on the topic of depression for an upcoming newsletter, I probed therapists to find out answers to the following questions: "Are there ever times when a patient seems unhappy or unmotivated? How do you approach them?" And, later, I searched the Internet for related content and came across information about Daniel Gilbert. I became intrigued by Gilbert's view of happiness.

Now, I'm curious to find out what other people think of his opinion. He suggests that a married couple's idea of "happiness" prior to children isn't satisfied with children. But, here's another perspective: perhaps, children bring a new meaning to what "happiness" truly is in life, and maybe children challenge parents to reach for a new level emotional stability since they are dependent on them, and further maybe children allow parents to experience happiness in a new way – life through their child's eyes.

What are your thoughts on happiness?