Empathy versus Excuse

How many times have you heard someone talking about how they feel for someone else or maybe describe how the other person is feeling? We are taught to show empathy for people that are hurt or suffering. At the same time how we do it is just as important as doing it in my opinion.

First lets take a look at how we create our emotions and actions. Many of us are not consciously aware of our emotional state at times because we are so involved in our daily activities. We could of been thinking about something that gotten occupied doing something and just buried it for a while till we get a break to think about it again. I could go on and on about the different things that could happen but won't. Instead remember that if just one emotion during your past was different at the right time your future would of been different as well. Instead of having those things we sometimes call a "pet peeve" you might have more things you call fun or non-issues. Your challenges occur from a past event labeling them as a challenge for future events. This means that you actually labeled these challenges as such and have created them from how you handled an event in the past. If you had a different attitude or goal at that time chances are you would of never created them.

That is hard to take for some people and when accepted will create a lot of responsibility for our actions. It is easier to just allow someone else to take credit for our challenges at times. When you take control back you will find it very uplifting and allow you to break free of your challenges.

How does this relate to empathy then? In order for us to create a feeling or emotion we need to compare it to something in our past. The key word is OUR past. We did not live the other persons life from inside them so we are not creating their emotions just ours. You could live right next to a person their whole life and still develop different memories to create different emotions. What was traumatic for one could of been a non-issue for the other.

What this means is that we can not feel what they feel accurately and what most people create is what they would feel like if they were in the other persons situation. So instead of being empathic for another person we are creating a whole new reality where we are playing the part. We create an internal negative state that we can experience and label it as another persons pain. It works great if you want to be punished or feel worse than the other person. You can accomplish it very well in this manner. The question is what that really your intention though.

Instead remember that true support comes from those that do not foster a negative emotion. When we tell our friends we feel their pain it is not true. We feel our own pain and pretend it is theirs and then we put our own body through it and annoy our friends at the same time. Our friends need people that are not going through their pain to talk to. People that show them that their is other ways to look at things and that don't want to experience the emotions that they are going through.

At the senior center last week a fantastic person wanted to send a letter to his friend that lost a loved one. We discussed this and I asked them what is the intention of the letter. The first response was to stick it out and bear through it. I asked them again was that really what we wanted to do. How many times do we reinforce the negative in our comforting? I asked again what really would you want to do and someone spoke up have them feel better!!! Yes this was the true intention that we have even if we don't consciously think about it. Our goal is always to improve the standard of living in our friends at the time.

After knowing your true intention then the answers are easy. They came up with stories that would lift up the person and inspire them to remember the good times and not the loss because the loss will never be. Every person we come in contact with becomes part of us in a way. Our memories and the lessons that were taught to us become part of us. This means that even if the physical body leaves the energy and memories are always present within us. After all we created them for this purpose even without knowing it.

Take a look at how you relate to others during their time of need. Remember that it is your choice of how you live during these events. Whether you open yourself up to negative creation or whether you understand your intention and act accordingly.

Mystically yours

Michael Holt, Ph.D.
Magi Institute of Natural Medicine